Chapter 1 to 3: The Negative Effects of Courtship

Chapter 1

INTRODUCTION

A. Background of the Study

Courtship can boost your courage. You need lots and lots of courage when you attempt to court. According to Janet Ong zimmerman in her article “Making the case of Courtship: Let yourself be wooed”: “Courtship takes more courage because you have to be authentic, open, vulnerable and live with not knowing the outcome. If you choose the path of courtship, you'll become clearer on what matters most to you, what's acceptable and not acceptable to you and realize your self-worth. You'll feel cherished, cared for and respected” (http://www.yourtango.com/experts/janet-ong- zimmerman/let- yourself-be- wooed).

Courtship can improve his/her patience. One of the factors in a successful courtship is patience. It needs a lot of patience in courtship. Every time a person do courtship, it will gradually improve his/her patience. If the courtship fails, he/she knows that one of the factors that cause your courting a failure is lack of patience so he/she will eventually increase his/her patience so that the next time he/she will court, he/she will know that he/she don't lack patience anymore and his/her patience is enough to wait for his/her answer.

Courtship can improve his/her creativity. He/She think about something romantic or funny things that probably make him/her say yes. Crazy stuffs will come into your mind. The inspiration given by the person he/she love makes he/she more creative. For example, a man wants to make a woman to be his partner. In order to make her his lover, he needs to show his love for her. He is now motivated and then he will make things related to art, poetry, and other things to express his love for her.

Courtship builds strong relationship foundation. While you're in the courting period definitely you two will get to know each other further more. According to Brenda J. Malone in her article “The lost art of Courtship.” “If couples would be more deliberate in pursuing a true courtship, it is very likely that there would be fewer ill-suited marriages. And, many of the habits and traditions that a couple create together during their courtship can set a solid foundation on which to build a more meaningful and loving relationship as they move forward.”

(http://www.connectionsforwomen.com/article_details.php?article_id=424 )

In spite of the good and positive improvements given by courtship to people, there is still a bad effect on people when they court. Courtship can actually make you hope for nothing. You always make effort but your love one doesn't love you. You've been waiting for the past two years and you don't even know if your love one will accept you as her lover. It can affect your brain and might lose your mind.

There are several people who is experiencing this kind of situation but other than this, there are several more bad effects that courtship might bring. This study will eventually help the people to understand what are causes that courtship has brought to the people.

B. Statement of the Problem

This study aims to answer this question:

1. What are the bad effects of courtship?

C. Significance of the Study

Average people. This research paper will help the people gain more knowledge about courtship and its bad effects.

Future Researchers. This research paper will help them gain more knowledge and this can be their reference when they have started their research paper. This can be also their guide while making their research paper.

The people who has a plan to court. With the knowledge of this study, they will be more aware on what will happen to them on the future when they court.

Those people who are courting now. With the knowledge of this study, they will be more knowledgeable about what are the effects that courtship might bring to them.

D. Scope and Delimitation

This study focuses on the bad effects of courtship to the society. Both male and female are affected by this study because there are several traditions around the globe that a female will court the male and not all male do the courtship.

This study will no longer discuss the after effects of each bad effects because the main purpose the researcher made this study is to know what are the bad effects caused by courtship and only the bad effects alone. The society only needs to know the bad effects because only they know what can be the possible outcome if those bad effects hit them.

E. Materials and Methods

This research employs the descriptive method since the researcher only discuss and describe the bad effects of courtship. This research will only discuss the ideas the researcher made. Since the researcher had insufficient time, no conducting of surveys have made.

The information relevant to this study was gathered from articles, blogs, and other credible sources found on the internet. Books and other research paper was used too as references.

F. Definitions of Terms

Courtship. The act or period of convincing the opposite sex to be your partner.

Offspring. A child. A product of having a sexual intercourse.

Sex. Pertaining to gender.

The act of having sexual intercourse.

Libido. Sexual drive or desire.

Woo. Another term for courtship.

CHAPTER 2

DISCUSSION

What are the Negative effects of courtship to the society?

Definition of courtship

In Christianity, Courtship a sacred event where they receive the blessing of God and needed the blessing of their both parents. Bill Gothard stated in his article “What is courtship?”:

“Courtship is experiencing the blessing of God by loving the Lord Jesus Christ and honoring both sets of parents. The purpose of courtship is to determine a couple’s readiness for marriage and to discern the will of God for a covenant marriage that will benefit the world” (http://billgothard.com/teaching/courtship).

He said that courtship is a way to prepare a couple for marriage. Courtship is a sacred period of time where two people are getting to know each other and sharing the same vision about marriage. However, courtship is a period where you seek love of an opposite sex and you are trying to convince or persuade that person to be your lover.

Every people has different perspective when it comes to courtship but it has only two objectives, to have a partner and have an offspring. People just want to have a partner in life.

The Negative effects of courtship

A. Courtship increases your Libido

The main purpose of courtship is having a partner in life and to have an offspring. Having an offspring is another term for having sex. People are courting because they are attracted by the physical appearance of the man/woman they court.

I have read an article by Paul Ogunkoya entitled “Be Aware of the Dangers and Benefits of Christian Courtships and Christian Relationships Before Starting One”. He stated that:

“Unfortunately most people who enter courtship even Christians sometimes start off at the physical level which really is the least important level. Unfortunately our society has placed too much emphasis on the physical aspects of dating and courtship like looks, attraction, and sexiness, how good the person is at kissing, or how good they are in bed. ”

(http://www.datingadvice4christiansingles.com/Christian-courtship.html)

He said that people nowadays are more attracted on the physical appearance and their sexual intercourse skills. People are more attracted by looks or appearance, the way they have sexual intercourse, and the way they kiss.

He stated that the society is the one who placed too much emphasis on the physical aspects of courtship because he is defending that courtship is a sacred period where couples only need to get to know each other and not doing sexual related actions but actually it is not.

I have read an article by Brenda J. Malone entitled “The lost art of Courtship.” She stated that:

“This is also an important time to explore each of your feelings, past experiences, desires, hopes, etc about your sexuality and what you are seeking and not seeking in a long-term relationship. Openly discussing your sexual needs, limitations, expectations, fantasies, etc. Is just as important as sharing that sexual intimacy. It’s easy for couples to progress quickly to a sexual relationship when there is a strong romantic attraction but BE CAREFUL. Don’t deprive yourselves of a wonderful opportunity to enjoy the process of getting to know one another sensually and sexually. Take your time. Fight the urge to “go all the way” for a while; let the sexual tension and anticipation build as you become more emotionally Intimate. In the end, it’s worth it. In these times of easy sex, holding off on sexual intercourse until your relationship has progressed to a point of real intimacy and trust can be a very seductive accomplishment. It makes this relationship special.” (http://www.connectionsforwomen.com/article_details.php?article_id=424)

She said that courtship is the best time to discuss about the sexual interests with the person you courting. Discussing about your sexual interests in this period is important because this is the way for the relationship to be more mature and special. But both of them need to discuss this in a long period of time.

As far as the researcher understand her sayings, She said that it is mandatory in courtship to develop their sexual relationship while courting because they said that courting is an early preparation for marriage and one of the things married couples do after marriage is sex.

Her sayings has proven that courtship increases your libido. It is not the society's fault that they are attracted by the physical appearance but it is courtship's fault because part of the tradition is to improve the sexual relationship of the couple.

B. Courtship can lead to Personality misconceptions

While you are courting, The researcher thinks that you are hiding your true personalities to the person you are courting. Hiding your true personalities might make your courtship successful but surely there will be arguments, quarrels, fights and other stuff that can break your relationship.

Adnan Oktar said in his book entitled “The Religion of the Ignorant”:

“Young men and women raised in a self-interested, selfish way begin to form distorted male-female relationships and prepare themselves for an equally distorted concept of marriage in the period that follows. A young man who suggests to a girl that they go out together is also offering her a complete package, including his behavior, his manner of speech, troubles, caprices, the places he goes and manner of approaching people. The structure of this package, based on mutual insecurity, is such as to demean both parties and help cause them lose their personalities when put into practice. This relationship model between people maintains its fundamental elements for years, altering only in terms of places attended, clothing, style and behavior in accord with conditions of the time.” (Page 90, Oktar, 2010)

He stated that people are hiding there personalities while they court. If a man suggest a woman to go out, the man will automatically approach the woman in a more romantic, nice way. He will then hide his personalities while the woman is around. This can last for years if the woman doesn't have any clue what his real personality is.

The quote has strongly proofed that courtship can lead to Personality misconceptions because people wanted to have a partner but they know themselves that they cannot get the person they court if they will show their true personalities to them.

C. Courtship can cost you a lot of money

When you are courting someone, you will automatically think about how you will express your love to the person you court. You will think and then suddenly you've come up with an idea. Gifts, you will give that person gifts. You will then buy the expensive ones so he/she will appreciate. A lot of people are like this, they spend so much money just to express their love. Here's a quote from the article “A Reasonable courtship” by Trent Hamm. He stated that:

“It’s a coming-of-age routine that almost everyone goes through at some point. You’re introduced to someone. That person seems interesting. Eventually, you wind up on a date – and you hope to impress and, perhaps, build something that lasts.

Along the way, though, you often burn through a lot of money buying gifts, paying for dates, and so on.”(http://www.thesimpledollar.com/a-reasonable-courtship/)



He said that almost everyone spend lots and lots of money just to impress the person you court. They will eventually buy gifts and they will pay for dates. They are hoping that the relationship that can make out of this will last long.



This is the most common effect that people encountered because the researcher himself has experienced it. Even his friends who court experienced this effect.

Chapter 3

SUMMARY, CONCLUSIONS,

AND RECOMMENDATION

Summary

This paper attempted to determine the different negative effects that courtship might bring.

The research design used in this paper is the descriptive method. The research gathered enough information from different sources to answer all unanswered questions that this research paper has. The research finding are the following:

1. The main reason why people fall in love is because of the physical appearance and not by the attitude.

2. You need a lot of money when you court. One major factor in courting is money.

3. Courtship might cause several misconceptions about an individual's identity.

Conclusions

Based on the findings of this study, the following conclusions are drawn:

1. There are several negative effects of courtship that can affect the physical, mental, and sociological aspect of a human being. It can affect the mind, physical appearance and belongings, and your social status.

Recommendation

After drawing the conclusions, the researcher hereby make the following suggestions/recommendations:

1. While courting, make sure that these effects won't affect you. Just be what you are while courting and everything will be fine.

2. Researchers who will study this paper should research about the other effects that courtship might cause.

References:

A. Electronic Media

Zimmerman, Janet Ong. “Making the case of Courtship: Let yourself be wooed.” Date collected (August 31, 2013) Retrieved from http://www.yourtango.com/experts/janet-ong-zimmerman/let-yourself-be-wooed

Malone, Brenda J. “The lost art of Courtship.” Date collected (August 31, 2013) Retrieved from http://www.connectionsforwomen.com/article_details.php?article_id=424

Gothard, Bill. “What is courtship?” Date collected (September 1, 2013) Retrieved from http://billgothard.com/teaching/courtship

Ogunkoya, Paul. “Be Aware of the Dangers and Benefits of Christian Courtships and Christian Relationships Before Starting One.” Date collected (September 1, 2013) Retrieved from http://www.datingadvice4christiansingles.com/Christian-courtship.html

Hamm, Trent. “A reasonable Courtship.” Date collected (August 31, 2013) Retrieved from http://www.thesimpledollar.com/a-reasonable-courtship/

B. Books

Oktar, Adnan. “The religion of the Ignorant.” (page 90)

Blogpost #6: The Online Culture.

It is much more different dating online. It is much easier to have a chat with a girl. Everything is easy via internet. I have read an article entitled The end of courtship by Alex Williams on the site www.nytimes.com. He stated that:

"Instead of dinner-and-a-movie, which seems as obsolete as a rotary phone, they rendezvous over phone texts, Facebook posts, instant messages and other “non-dates” that are leaving a generation confused about how to land a boyfriend or girlfriend."

They just court over cellphones and social networking sites what do you expect? A great relationship? A long lasting one? This culture destroys the culture of every country. Technology has disadvantages when it comes to courtship.

I have read another article by Mary entitled How Technology is influencing traditional Courtship Roles on www.girlfriendslockerroom.com. She stated that:

"One of the unfortunate disadvantages of how technology is influencing traditional courtship roles is that women and men been more aggressive in their dating and courtship activities, which has accelerated the dating process with ill effects. There have been countless cases of online romances being develop through Facebook, smart phones and now traditional texting at such a fast pace, such couples do not have enough time to properly get to know one another. This often leads to relationship break ups at a rate as quickly as they have developed. People today want things to be instant, and that includes dating, unfortunately the pitfalls of these new technologies is that the value of being patient is being lost, along with traditional courtship roles."

Sometimes I'm against a culture if it is not acceptable by the society but if that culture is destroying another culture, that's another thing.

Blogpost #5: Weird but true part 2.

I can't get over on those articles I have read this week especially about the weird courtship cultures. They're are all unbelievable and amazing. I have learn a lot from those articles and I will going to share what I have learned from this week.

The article I have read is entitled Top 10 strange courtship rituals written by Simmi Mankani. This post was posted on www.toptenz.net.

"Welcome to the perfect modern world. You can only yearn for a simple natural way to live your life the way the Dai people of China & Southeast Asia live. Followers of Buddhism, the Dai people are famous for their courting and marriage rituals. Flirting, dating, premarital s
ex, you name it and they've got it! They also have an interesting traditional courtship ritual. Various people gather at one place. You’ll find all the young women sitting around a bonfire, and turning their spinning wheels. The men, clad in red blankets, will be playing a musical instrument. Everyone can approach a woman of their choice and, if it’s a yes from her, she’ll invite him to sit on a stool with her. He will drape his blanket around her, and they can just have all sorts of mushy fun together. Love just blossoms!"

It's so strange. Sitting in others stool is so weird. This tradition is really sucks. Imagine you court a Dai girl and then you sit besides her knowing you are sitting in chair with her stool. Then minutes later, you had been smelling her stool. That's a major Turn-off to the girl you love man. Well we can't help it. It's their tradition not ours. Moving on, On the same article here's another strange courtship tradition. It stated that:

"A very bizarre courtship ritual, practiced in Taiwan up until the 1930s, was discovered through 150-year-old letters of botanical experts at Kew. A tribe called the Atayals was very enthusiastic about head-hunting, literally! The men often used severed heads from their battles to woo the women they coveted. Once accepted, these prized possessions were not promptly removed from sight. They were, instead, kept in open air on a narrow platform, for everyone to see."

I'm glad that this tradition was over way back in the 30's. This is a one bizarre tradition. Why do they need to use cut-off heads to court a girl? It's so gross. And keeping the head in open air on a narrow platform, for every one to see is really disrespectful to the dead and at the same time the other people living there.

Here's my ending quote. Every people in this world has different ways and traditions to court a girl. Some have sweet and amazing ways while others are weird and not pleasing to the eyes.

Blogpost #4: I'm just curious.

I'm just curious on how Brazilians court and what is their culture when it comes to courting. For me, the Brazilian girls are actually more attractive than any other girls. I like the way they speak and the way they dress. I'm curious about how Brazilian guys court them.

I have read an article entitled Brazilian Dating Culture by Gigi Starr on ehow.com. She stated that:

"Brazilian dating culture starts in the teens and is punctuated by friendly fun, casual meetings and a relaxed attitude. As a Brazilian matures, he then moves on to solemnifying the relationship under the watchful eye of his parents, with marriage usually following a long engagement."

Just like here in the Philippines, the fun starts at teenage years. A guy always court a girl when they are teenagers. Also in America, they court girls when they step in the teenage life. And also in Brazil, the guy asks the girl's father if it is okay to pursue a relationship with her.

The Brazilian girls have their own taste when it comes to guys. I have read another article entitled Brazilian Dating Guide for men by Maverick on www.Mavericktraveler.com. He stated that there are several pointers that must be remembered if you are going to Brazil and want to date Brazilian girls. The first one is "The Rule". In this pointer you must remember that there are two types of Brazilian girls, the ones who are exclusively dating Brazilian guys and the ones who dates "Gringos" or foreigners. The second one is yo must know how to speak Portuguese because you can't meet all the Brazilian girls if you only speak English. The third one is the Gringo Factor. Even if Brazilian girls have a negative reputations among foreigners, there's a chance on getting a Brazilian girl's heart. If you want to know the other pointers just go to the site.

I have learned a lot of new things from this. Now I know what are the things to do when I want to court a Brazilian girl. I hope that this will help you too.

Blogpost #3: Weird but true

Have you ever imagined doing weird stuffs to express your feelings to a certain person? Have you did a weird gestures or have you given weird objects to tell him/her that you love him/her? If you did such thing, you're really weird... and a little bit creepy. But don't feel sad, other countries have traditions weirder than you thought. Those traditions are weirder than the thing you did.

I have read an article entitled "5 strange courting rituals from around the world" by Natalie Wolchover on www.livescience.com. She said that during valentines day, many people are giving chocolates, flowers and asking the question "will you be my valentine?". But other countries have different traditions to express your love for him/her. Here is an example given by her:

"In rural Austria, it's not chocolate bon-bons that are the way to a lover's heart; it's apples soaked in armpit sweat. Young women do a ritual dance with apple slices lodged in their armpits. After the dance, each gives her slice to the man of her choice, and he then eats it."

Imagine eating a slice of apple soaking in salty armpit sweat. It's gross right? But it's their tradition. In my opinion I think I'm blessed because I was born here in the Philippines and not in Austria. No offense Austrians but you're culture is really weird. Moving on, here's another example came from the same blog:

" Among the Kreung tribe in a remote region of Cambodia, parents build a "love hut" for their daughter when she reaches her mid-teens. Different boys spend the night in the hut with the girl sometimes more than one in the same night until she finds the one she wants to marry. Divorce is unheard of among the Kreung, so couples need to know what they're getting into."

Believe it or not, parents build the love hut if the girl reaches 9-13 years old. Imagine a girl having intercourse with the opposite sex in a very young age. But the kreung tribe girls decides if they want to have intercourse or not. Many people are against it but it's the kreung tribe's tradition, you can't just change it by your own. It's their decision if they want to prolong it or not.

As I've said on my previous blog, It's a tradition alright but not all traditions are meant to be kept.

Blogpost #2: The Filipino culture

Believe it or not, I've courted a girl with the famous Filipino courtship tradition, the Harana or serenading. Take note that I did the traditional serenading where I sing underneath her window in the night. It was a challenging but a great experience because after several minutes of singing at the same time playing the guitar, I don't know if she'll invite you to go inside her house or not but fortunately, she let me in. There are several traditions around the Philippines and each region has their own tradition when it comes to courtship.

I have read an article by Ramond Ople, a blogger, entitled "The Harana and other filipino courtship/marriage traditions" on tpculture.wordpress.com. It stated that:

"Basically a harana is when a man attempts to woo a woman by singing underneath her window during nighttime. The man continues to sing until the woman (if she so chooses) decides to let the man (and whatever company he has) inside her house for refreshments etc. When this happens, it becomes a impromptu mini-soiree of sorts"

Wooing a woman is hard but wooing a woman with harana is even harder. back in the days you really need to be good at music when you want to serenade a woman. You need to compose your own song and give the song a tune. And you really need to have a good voice in order to impress the woman. Besides harana, there are several more traditions around the Philippines.

I have read another article by Shaina Sanchez entitled "Sweeping a Filipina off her feet - Filipino courtship practices" on magandafilipino.com. It stated that:

"In some areas in Mindanao (bottom part of the Philippines), Muslim traditions thrive even in the matters of the heart. Courting is a lot more expensive here because before you can marry a girl, a dowry is required by the girl’s family. The value shall depend on the status of the family and to the educational accomplishment of the girl. A maiden holding a Master’s degree will have a higher price than a girl who did not finish her studies. The maiden have no freedom to love whoever she like since she is regarded as a family property. Pre-arranged marriage is the custom and families of high status reward their children to wealthy men so as to preserve and even to enrich their wealth."

In Mindanao, money matters more than love. If you're just an ordinary guy with just enough money to support yourself, then don't even bother court a woman. Literally, the man is buying the woman in order to be his wife. And the sad part is the woman has no freedom. They can't even pick the man they love to be their husbands. I know it's the tradition but not all traditions are meant to be kept.

Courting a woman is one of the major task a man need to do in order to express his feelings for her. If you really love the girl then court her. Even if we have different traditions of courtship, we men have different ways to court a girl. Just be ourselves and be confident on what you are doing. 

Blogpost #1: Courtship

Honestly speaking, I've courted many girls back when I was a highschool student but only few of my attempts succeeded. I did a lot of different "styles" of courtship. I did the famous serenading or also known as "harana" and also the giving of love letters to confess your love for her. And when I started using social networking sites and the cellular phone, I also did the most commonly used "Text" or "Chat" courting. But I'm just curious about when did it all started. How do men court back in the days. But let's discuss what is courtship first.

                According to David Steele in his article entitled Wooing vs. Courtship on the website www.articles3k.com: 

"Courtship takes the long view, respecting your potential life partner as someone to get to know and determine mutual fit over time. In our culture being patient and delaying gratification is undervalued."

It is definitely true. If you want to court a girl, make sure that you are willing to wait for her answer. It could take weeks, months, years but if you really love the girl, you will wait until she becomes your girlfriend.

Let's discuss now the history behind it. I have read an article entitled The History of Courtship on www.ehow.com by Christina Hamlett. She stated that:
"females had a lot less choice about the males with whom they'd exchange vows. Brides were often abducted by neighboring tribes, betrothed to foreign nobles as part of a package deal to increase their kingdom's power and net worth, or presented by their parents at lavish debutante balls to which a select number of eligible--and socially appropriate--suitors had been invited. An unwed daughter in earlier centuries was considered a liability to her family as opposed to an asset in a husband's household where she could either add to the coffers with a generous dowry or do a full share of the work. The emergence of chivalry during the Middle Ages brought forth the courtly practice of wooing one's intended with love poems, music and acts of bravery to prove one's desirability as a mate. Not until World War I did women come to realize they had more options available. Courtship gifts aside, it was the new-found freedom to be able to choose someone for love instead of necessity that made the ritual priceless."

Back in the days, all it matters is money. The ladies have no choice at all when it comes to love. Their parents are trying to sell them to various rich gentlemen but in the Middle Ages, all it matters is love. They court through peoms, music, and acts of bravery to prove that they love the girl.

In our generation, men court with an ease. Men court women via technologies. Men court via computer, cellphones and other communicating devices. They've modernized courtship. The girl can't easily determined if the boy is sincere on her and that's why most of the relationships nowadays last only for a few months.