Chapter 1 to 3: The Negative Effects of Courtship

Chapter 1

INTRODUCTION

A. Background of the Study

Courtship can boost your courage. You need lots and lots of courage when you attempt to court. According to Janet Ong zimmerman in her article “Making the case of Courtship: Let yourself be wooed”: “Courtship takes more courage because you have to be authentic, open, vulnerable and live with not knowing the outcome. If you choose the path of courtship, you'll become clearer on what matters most to you, what's acceptable and not acceptable to you and realize your self-worth. You'll feel cherished, cared for and respected” (http://www.yourtango.com/experts/janet-ong- zimmerman/let- yourself-be- wooed).

Courtship can improve his/her patience. One of the factors in a successful courtship is patience. It needs a lot of patience in courtship. Every time a person do courtship, it will gradually improve his/her patience. If the courtship fails, he/she knows that one of the factors that cause your courting a failure is lack of patience so he/she will eventually increase his/her patience so that the next time he/she will court, he/she will know that he/she don't lack patience anymore and his/her patience is enough to wait for his/her answer.

Courtship can improve his/her creativity. He/She think about something romantic or funny things that probably make him/her say yes. Crazy stuffs will come into your mind. The inspiration given by the person he/she love makes he/she more creative. For example, a man wants to make a woman to be his partner. In order to make her his lover, he needs to show his love for her. He is now motivated and then he will make things related to art, poetry, and other things to express his love for her.

Courtship builds strong relationship foundation. While you're in the courting period definitely you two will get to know each other further more. According to Brenda J. Malone in her article “The lost art of Courtship.” “If couples would be more deliberate in pursuing a true courtship, it is very likely that there would be fewer ill-suited marriages. And, many of the habits and traditions that a couple create together during their courtship can set a solid foundation on which to build a more meaningful and loving relationship as they move forward.”

(http://www.connectionsforwomen.com/article_details.php?article_id=424 )

In spite of the good and positive improvements given by courtship to people, there is still a bad effect on people when they court. Courtship can actually make you hope for nothing. You always make effort but your love one doesn't love you. You've been waiting for the past two years and you don't even know if your love one will accept you as her lover. It can affect your brain and might lose your mind.

There are several people who is experiencing this kind of situation but other than this, there are several more bad effects that courtship might bring. This study will eventually help the people to understand what are causes that courtship has brought to the people.

B. Statement of the Problem

This study aims to answer this question:

1. What are the bad effects of courtship?

C. Significance of the Study

Average people. This research paper will help the people gain more knowledge about courtship and its bad effects.

Future Researchers. This research paper will help them gain more knowledge and this can be their reference when they have started their research paper. This can be also their guide while making their research paper.

The people who has a plan to court. With the knowledge of this study, they will be more aware on what will happen to them on the future when they court.

Those people who are courting now. With the knowledge of this study, they will be more knowledgeable about what are the effects that courtship might bring to them.

D. Scope and Delimitation

This study focuses on the bad effects of courtship to the society. Both male and female are affected by this study because there are several traditions around the globe that a female will court the male and not all male do the courtship.

This study will no longer discuss the after effects of each bad effects because the main purpose the researcher made this study is to know what are the bad effects caused by courtship and only the bad effects alone. The society only needs to know the bad effects because only they know what can be the possible outcome if those bad effects hit them.

E. Materials and Methods

This research employs the descriptive method since the researcher only discuss and describe the bad effects of courtship. This research will only discuss the ideas the researcher made. Since the researcher had insufficient time, no conducting of surveys have made.

The information relevant to this study was gathered from articles, blogs, and other credible sources found on the internet. Books and other research paper was used too as references.

F. Definitions of Terms

Courtship. The act or period of convincing the opposite sex to be your partner.

Offspring. A child. A product of having a sexual intercourse.

Sex. Pertaining to gender.

The act of having sexual intercourse.

Libido. Sexual drive or desire.

Woo. Another term for courtship.

CHAPTER 2

DISCUSSION

What are the Negative effects of courtship to the society?

Definition of courtship

In Christianity, Courtship a sacred event where they receive the blessing of God and needed the blessing of their both parents. Bill Gothard stated in his article “What is courtship?”:

“Courtship is experiencing the blessing of God by loving the Lord Jesus Christ and honoring both sets of parents. The purpose of courtship is to determine a couple’s readiness for marriage and to discern the will of God for a covenant marriage that will benefit the world” (http://billgothard.com/teaching/courtship).

He said that courtship is a way to prepare a couple for marriage. Courtship is a sacred period of time where two people are getting to know each other and sharing the same vision about marriage. However, courtship is a period where you seek love of an opposite sex and you are trying to convince or persuade that person to be your lover.

Every people has different perspective when it comes to courtship but it has only two objectives, to have a partner and have an offspring. People just want to have a partner in life.

The Negative effects of courtship

A. Courtship increases your Libido

The main purpose of courtship is having a partner in life and to have an offspring. Having an offspring is another term for having sex. People are courting because they are attracted by the physical appearance of the man/woman they court.

I have read an article by Paul Ogunkoya entitled “Be Aware of the Dangers and Benefits of Christian Courtships and Christian Relationships Before Starting One”. He stated that:

“Unfortunately most people who enter courtship even Christians sometimes start off at the physical level which really is the least important level. Unfortunately our society has placed too much emphasis on the physical aspects of dating and courtship like looks, attraction, and sexiness, how good the person is at kissing, or how good they are in bed. ”

(http://www.datingadvice4christiansingles.com/Christian-courtship.html)

He said that people nowadays are more attracted on the physical appearance and their sexual intercourse skills. People are more attracted by looks or appearance, the way they have sexual intercourse, and the way they kiss.

He stated that the society is the one who placed too much emphasis on the physical aspects of courtship because he is defending that courtship is a sacred period where couples only need to get to know each other and not doing sexual related actions but actually it is not.

I have read an article by Brenda J. Malone entitled “The lost art of Courtship.” She stated that:

“This is also an important time to explore each of your feelings, past experiences, desires, hopes, etc about your sexuality and what you are seeking and not seeking in a long-term relationship. Openly discussing your sexual needs, limitations, expectations, fantasies, etc. Is just as important as sharing that sexual intimacy. It’s easy for couples to progress quickly to a sexual relationship when there is a strong romantic attraction but BE CAREFUL. Don’t deprive yourselves of a wonderful opportunity to enjoy the process of getting to know one another sensually and sexually. Take your time. Fight the urge to “go all the way” for a while; let the sexual tension and anticipation build as you become more emotionally Intimate. In the end, it’s worth it. In these times of easy sex, holding off on sexual intercourse until your relationship has progressed to a point of real intimacy and trust can be a very seductive accomplishment. It makes this relationship special.” (http://www.connectionsforwomen.com/article_details.php?article_id=424)

She said that courtship is the best time to discuss about the sexual interests with the person you courting. Discussing about your sexual interests in this period is important because this is the way for the relationship to be more mature and special. But both of them need to discuss this in a long period of time.

As far as the researcher understand her sayings, She said that it is mandatory in courtship to develop their sexual relationship while courting because they said that courting is an early preparation for marriage and one of the things married couples do after marriage is sex.

Her sayings has proven that courtship increases your libido. It is not the society's fault that they are attracted by the physical appearance but it is courtship's fault because part of the tradition is to improve the sexual relationship of the couple.

B. Courtship can lead to Personality misconceptions

While you are courting, The researcher thinks that you are hiding your true personalities to the person you are courting. Hiding your true personalities might make your courtship successful but surely there will be arguments, quarrels, fights and other stuff that can break your relationship.

Adnan Oktar said in his book entitled “The Religion of the Ignorant”:

“Young men and women raised in a self-interested, selfish way begin to form distorted male-female relationships and prepare themselves for an equally distorted concept of marriage in the period that follows. A young man who suggests to a girl that they go out together is also offering her a complete package, including his behavior, his manner of speech, troubles, caprices, the places he goes and manner of approaching people. The structure of this package, based on mutual insecurity, is such as to demean both parties and help cause them lose their personalities when put into practice. This relationship model between people maintains its fundamental elements for years, altering only in terms of places attended, clothing, style and behavior in accord with conditions of the time.” (Page 90, Oktar, 2010)

He stated that people are hiding there personalities while they court. If a man suggest a woman to go out, the man will automatically approach the woman in a more romantic, nice way. He will then hide his personalities while the woman is around. This can last for years if the woman doesn't have any clue what his real personality is.

The quote has strongly proofed that courtship can lead to Personality misconceptions because people wanted to have a partner but they know themselves that they cannot get the person they court if they will show their true personalities to them.

C. Courtship can cost you a lot of money

When you are courting someone, you will automatically think about how you will express your love to the person you court. You will think and then suddenly you've come up with an idea. Gifts, you will give that person gifts. You will then buy the expensive ones so he/she will appreciate. A lot of people are like this, they spend so much money just to express their love. Here's a quote from the article “A Reasonable courtship” by Trent Hamm. He stated that:

“It’s a coming-of-age routine that almost everyone goes through at some point. You’re introduced to someone. That person seems interesting. Eventually, you wind up on a date – and you hope to impress and, perhaps, build something that lasts.

Along the way, though, you often burn through a lot of money buying gifts, paying for dates, and so on.”(http://www.thesimpledollar.com/a-reasonable-courtship/)



He said that almost everyone spend lots and lots of money just to impress the person you court. They will eventually buy gifts and they will pay for dates. They are hoping that the relationship that can make out of this will last long.



This is the most common effect that people encountered because the researcher himself has experienced it. Even his friends who court experienced this effect.

Chapter 3

SUMMARY, CONCLUSIONS,

AND RECOMMENDATION

Summary

This paper attempted to determine the different negative effects that courtship might bring.

The research design used in this paper is the descriptive method. The research gathered enough information from different sources to answer all unanswered questions that this research paper has. The research finding are the following:

1. The main reason why people fall in love is because of the physical appearance and not by the attitude.

2. You need a lot of money when you court. One major factor in courting is money.

3. Courtship might cause several misconceptions about an individual's identity.

Conclusions

Based on the findings of this study, the following conclusions are drawn:

1. There are several negative effects of courtship that can affect the physical, mental, and sociological aspect of a human being. It can affect the mind, physical appearance and belongings, and your social status.

Recommendation

After drawing the conclusions, the researcher hereby make the following suggestions/recommendations:

1. While courting, make sure that these effects won't affect you. Just be what you are while courting and everything will be fine.

2. Researchers who will study this paper should research about the other effects that courtship might cause.

References:

A. Electronic Media

Zimmerman, Janet Ong. “Making the case of Courtship: Let yourself be wooed.” Date collected (August 31, 2013) Retrieved from http://www.yourtango.com/experts/janet-ong-zimmerman/let-yourself-be-wooed

Malone, Brenda J. “The lost art of Courtship.” Date collected (August 31, 2013) Retrieved from http://www.connectionsforwomen.com/article_details.php?article_id=424

Gothard, Bill. “What is courtship?” Date collected (September 1, 2013) Retrieved from http://billgothard.com/teaching/courtship

Ogunkoya, Paul. “Be Aware of the Dangers and Benefits of Christian Courtships and Christian Relationships Before Starting One.” Date collected (September 1, 2013) Retrieved from http://www.datingadvice4christiansingles.com/Christian-courtship.html

Hamm, Trent. “A reasonable Courtship.” Date collected (August 31, 2013) Retrieved from http://www.thesimpledollar.com/a-reasonable-courtship/

B. Books

Oktar, Adnan. “The religion of the Ignorant.” (page 90)